Begin by Building a Container
We all have experience of finding ourselves in a meeting or workshop where power is unevenly distributed. Despite being outwardly welcomed, we feel our authentic voice and best ideas may not be so welcome. So, we contribute less, if at all, and everyone leaves slightly the poorer. When this happens the fault can be traced back, at least in part, to the ‘container’ not being properly prepared. What’s that?
Every conversation you ever had in your life has been a combination of the words spoken and the context within which they were spoken. If you were talking with a sibling or a group of close schoolfriends, for instance, the context would have been your pre-existing relationship, which was so well established that you could speak easily, knowing the others were ‘with you’. Trust was present without needing to be thought about, let alone discussed.
At the other end of the spectrum, in our work lives we sometimes need to attend meetings or workshops where we don’t know most of the participants and are unsure of who knows who and, indeed, what the true agenda is. The point is, we think better and share our thoughts more freely when we feel ‘contained’ within a context that is unlikely to judge us harshly. That experience of a well-formed container within which true conversation can unfold is quite special and not as common as it ought to be in the workplace.
As the convenor or facilitator of a meeting or workshop, your first task (after drawing up a plan) is to start building the container for the conversation you want participants to have when they are in the room or online together. Here are a few ideas for doing this:
Your invitation should be as personal as you can manage. I always imagine I’m writing either to an old friend (if I have encountered the person before) or to someone with whom I believe I will become friends once we’ve met. I assume the best in their nature – and of course it’s essential that I think the meeting will be of real interest to them. If not, why am I doing this?
I contact important participants personally, ideally scheduling a short introductory briefing call. My goal is that, when the meeting starts, the most significant participants will already feel at ease with me and my role and we’ll have agreed what they will contribute. This sense of ease will always tend to communicate across to the other participants.
I go the extra mile in communicating all relevant information prior to the meeting, so they all feel it is being given a high level of care and attention, suggesting subtly that they might do the same.
I am always set up and ready well ahead of the first guest or contributor, so that as they enter the room I can greet them, introduce them to those they might not know, allow light-hearted banter about trivia and, again, establish a sense that this will be pleasant.
Lastly, as I get going with the meeting, whatever the detail of my plan, my intention is to let everyone know that:
I am in charge.
I am approachable and attentive to their needs.
We have a clear purpose in meeting (which I frame as clearly as I can for them).
The tone of the conversation will be respectful, cordial and thoughtful.
The container thus in place and everyone settled within it, we can begin our conversation.
